Who Survives Divorce Better – Men or Women?

Divorce represents a significant loss. Whether you are the party who initiated the divorce, or the one surprised by it, each party suffers the same losses, but men and women tend to process their sense of loss in different ways. These are, of course, over generalizations that pre-suppose that all women and all men might have the same reaction. Still, there are some responses to divorce that can be divided along gender lines.

Women are more likely to initiate divorce

An American Sociological Association study found that women are more likely than men to initiate divorce. Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University said, “Women seem to have a predominant role in initiating divorces in the U.S. as far back as there is data from a variety of sources, back to the 1940s.” Some researchers theorize that the societal norms that make traditional heterosexual marriage an unfair arrangement do not appeal to women once they realize that their earnings and career trajectories may suffer once they marry and have children.

Men may have the reputation of craving freedom, but they also crave relationships

An article in Psychology Today reports that men crave relationships and marriage as much as women. Men are often happier in their marriages than women, men enjoy greater financial wellbeing and health from marriage than do women, and divorce is associated with worse physical and mental health for men. An interesting bit of data is that when stable, heterosexual couples are asked to sleep apart, the quality of the woman’s sleep improves while the quality of the man’s sleep is reduced.

Financial concerns depend on the roles each spouse played

Getting divorced costs money, and then the parties must find a way to create a lifestyle on a single income when they had gotten used to sharing two. Whether a man or a woman fares better after divorce depends on several factors. If the wife was the primary wage earner and the husband stayed home and kept the house and cared for the children, the husband would then be forced to find employment while the wife would have to find and pay for child care. In more traditional households where the woman has put her career on hold to stay home and raise children, her standard of living will likely be significantly reduced after a divorce.

Social experiences post-divorce tend to favor men

Adjusting to the loss of a spouse and partner and becoming single again is challenging and this impacts men and women differently. There is some non-anecdotal evidence that men are more likely to remarry than women, and more likely to remarry faster than their ex-spouses. It could be that old-fashioned gender roles lead society to empathize more with the newly single man, or it could just be that women live longer (on average), and thus don’t feel the need to rush into a new relationship when one ends.

The Psychology Today article suggests that divorce may be harder on men because they have developed an emotional dependence on their spouse, while women tend to maintain a network of emotional support, which serves them during the difficult transition of going through a divorce and living with the aftermath. And, the story suggests that many women do not want to go through the increased care obligations and reduced freedom that marriage entails.

Regardless of gender, divorce can bring on sadness and depression, anxiety, anger and jealousy. Each party must reinvent a new identity and face life in a wholly different way, and that can be stressful. Healing from divorce takes time and attention. As a marriage is ending, the parties would do themselves a great favor if they would take the time to forgive themselves and their partner for whatever went wrong and allow time to heal and grieve the loss that divorce creates. Then they can look forward to creating precisely the kind of life they want in their new lives.

One of the most important factors in getting what you need from your divorce is choosing the right Knoxville divorce lawyer. At the Law Offices of LaFevor & Slaughter, our clients benefit from our knowledge and experience throughout the divorce process. You may give us a call at 865-637-6258 or you can complete our contact form to schedule a consultation with a competent Knoxville divorce lawyer today.