Tips for Successful Co-Parenting with Your Former Spouse after Divorce

Divorce is never an easy process. It is a decision made by two adults, but their children can be affected by it for years to come. Whether married or divorced, all parents are co-parents for their children. Each has a vital role in their child’s life. It is up to the parents as to how easy or how difficult the process of moving on after the break-up of the family will be for the child. Here are a few tips to help divorced parents find a way to work together with their child’s best interests at heart.

Put the divorce and all of the emotions that go with it behind you

The chief hindrance between you and your co-parent is all of the swirling emotion that lingers long after the divorce. Get therapy if you feel like you need to vent those powerful emotions, but finding a way to move past them so that you can start relating to your former spouse in a civilized manner will be the best gift you can give to yourself and to your child. Co-parenting will be difficult if you are walking around with a clenched jaw, holding on to old hurts and anger.

Develop a new, agreed way to communicate

Think of your ex as your business partner now. You both have the shared goal of raising a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child, so finding a way to be civil and cordial will only help the situation. It will set a good example for your child to see the two of you working together without acrimony for a change.

Use co-parenting software to keep each other informed

There are several apps that are designed to help co-parents navigate the rocky road of shared parenting. Apps like 2Houses, CoFamilies and OurFamilyWizard have features such as shared calendars where parents can share details about doctor appointments, extracurricular activities and custody schedules. Making good use of these technology tools will alleviate so much of the confusion and miscommunication that can go on between two households with the children passing back and forth between them.

Make good use of your parenting plan

Part of the divorce process when you have a child is to complete a parenting plan. Now is the time when that plan gets put into action. If you don’t use the co-parenting apps we mentioned earlier, sit down together and compare your paper calendars and mark off visitation dates, school events, sporting activities, holiday schedules and other dates that are important in the life of your child. Keep this calendar in a visible location and check in with each other to confirm these events in advance.

Plan for smooth transitions

When a child has been used to having both parents in the home, but now they must shuttle back and forth between the two homes, it can be incredibly disruptive for them. Do whatever you can to make this transition as smooth as possible for the child. Is it better for the child to do the swap between parents in a neutral location or does it feel better for them for one parent to bring them to the other parent’s new home? Over time the child will adjust, but until then you and your co-parent might want to take the time to figure out what works best for your child’s comfort and adjustment to the new arrangements.

Be willing to accept the changes that will come

As each of you moves on with your new lives there will be changes that you might not be prepared for. Your former spouse will introduce your child to their new partner, or they may move to a new home or make countless other changes that come in life. Your reaction will help set the tone for how your child reacts to these changes, which are inevitable.

As co-parents, you and your ex can make sure that that transition from being a single family unit to two separate households with different rules and approaches to life is as seamless and drama free as possible. Learning to work together as partners in parenting when you were unable to make it work as life partners will force you to adopt a new level of maturity that will benefit yourselves and your child.

At LaFevor & Slaughter in Knoxville, we help divorcing parents protect the best interests of their children during and after the divorce is final. We invite you to contact us if you have questions about how child custody.