Tips for Successful Co-Parenting Throughout and After Your Divorce

By Jason Hines | January 12, 2017

The purpose of divorce is to end the marriage. When the two people are parents, their relationship will change after divorce, but it will not end. While the marriage may be over, family continues forever. After you sign the divorce papers, the two of you still share a common goal, which is the health, security, and well-being of your child. In your new role as co-parents with joint custody, you can put your former relationship in the past and focus on your common goal. Here are some tips to help you accomplish those goals: 1. Practice the golden rule. You should treat others as you would like to be treated. Co-parenting is hard work and you will both make mistakes and learn from them. 2. Get training. The Tennessee Courts offer parenting education seminars that, “educate parents concerning how to protect and enhance the child’s emotional development and informing the parents regarding the legal process." There are also other opportunities to take co-parenting classes in person and online. Investing the time and energy to learn what it takes to build a successful co-parenting relationship will benefit your child and yourself as well. 3. Do not communicate with your ex through your child. Nothing good ever comes of using your child as a go-between, even when you and your ex are on good terms. 4. Agree on modes of communication. Do you prefer to send text messages? Would your co-parent prefer a phone call? Come to an agreement on how and when you will get in touch. 5. Make it easy for your child to communicate with the other parent. Aside from it being the law that your child has access to both of his or her parents, messing with communication only makes people resentful. 6. Remember that your child is not a counselor. Do not discuss your problems with your co-parent with your child, or where they can overhear you. 7. Establish generally consistent rules and behavioral guidelines. Be open to getting help with this, because this is not easy to get right. 8. Pick your battles. If you fight about everything, then nothing gets solved. If you are fighting about everything, it might be time for a bit of family therapy to give you the tools to communicate effectively and so that each person can get what they need. 9. Be willing to cooperate. You are now a team whose mission is to raise a well-adjusted child. Your communication should be about what is best for the child. Your willingness to compromise for the good of your child will help ensure peace in the family. 10. Enjoy the time you have when the kids are with the other parent. Self-care is important, too. When your kids are with their mother or father, you can check out that movie you’ve been dying to see, or grab lunch or dinner with friends, or read a book with your own music playing. You’re allowed to have fun without your kids, and it doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent to enjoy your own time. Some of you are reading this and you might be thinking, “That’s not going to work for me because I can’t stand to be in the same room with my ex!” But we promise: it is possible to co-parent successfully, even when there’s no love lost between you and your ex. We’re happy to help you find the right system for you. Yes, divorce is messy and emotional and sometimes contentious. Working with an experienced Knoxville family law attorney who has been guiding clients through the challenges of divorce can help you feel confident that you will get through it. We fight for the best outcome possible for your divorce and we keep the best interests of your <a href=children at top of mind. If you are a parent who is thinking about divorce, but you are unsure about how it will affect your child, you are welcome to call us at 865-637-6258 or fill out our contact form to schedule a consultation to discuss your custody case with an experienced Knoxville divorce attorney today. At LaFevor & Slaughter, we do whatever is in our power to help our clients through the divorce process as easily and smoothly as possible. ” width=”300″ height=”200″ />The purpose of divorce is to end the marriage. When the two people are parents, their relationship will change after divorce, but it will not end. While the marriage may be over, family continues forever. After you sign the divorce papers, the two of you still share a common goal, which is the health, security, and well-being of your child.

In your new role as co-parents with joint custody, you can put your former relationship in the past and focus on your common goal. Here are some tips to help you accomplish those goals:

  1. Practice the golden rule. You should treat others as you would like to be treated. Co-parenting is hard work and you will both make mistakes and learn from them.
  2. Get training. The Tennessee Courts offer parenting education seminars that, “educate parents concerning how to protect and enhance the child’s emotional development and informing the parents regarding the legal process.” There are also other opportunities to take co-parenting classes in person and online. Investing the time and energy to learn what it takes to build a successful co-parenting relationship will benefit your child and yourself as well.
  3. Do not communicate with your ex through your child. Nothing good ever comes of using your child as a go-between, even when you and your ex are on good terms.
  4. Agree on modes of communication. Do you prefer to send text messages? Would your co-parent prefer a phone call? Come to an agreement on how and when you will get in touch.
  5. Make it easy for your child to communicate with the other parent. Aside from it being the law that your child has access to both of his or her parents, messing with communication only makes people resentful.
  6. Remember that your child is not a counselor. Do not discuss your problems with your co-parent with your child, or where they can overhear you.
  7. Establish generally consistent rules and behavioral guidelines. Be open to getting help with this, because this is not easy to get right.
  8. Pick your battles. If you fight about everything, then nothing gets solved. If you are fighting about everything, it might be time for a bit of family therapy to give you the tools to communicate effectively and so that each person can get what they need.
  9. Be willing to cooperate. You are now a team whose mission is to raise a well-adjusted child. Your communication should be about what is best for the child. Your willingness to compromise for the good of your child will help ensure peace in the family.
  10. Enjoy the time you have when the kids are with the other parent. Self-care is important, too. When your kids are with their mother or father, you can check out that movie you’ve been dying to see, or grab lunch or dinner with friends, or read a book with your own music playing. You’re allowed to have fun without your kids, and it doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent to enjoy your own time.

Some of you are reading this and you might be thinking, “That’s not going to work for me because I can’t stand to be in the same room with my ex!” But we promise: it is possible to co-parent successfully, even when there’s no love lost between you and your ex. We’re happy to help you find the right system for you.

Yes, divorce is messy and emotional and sometimes contentious. Working with an experienced Knoxville family law attorney who has been guiding clients through the challenges of divorce can help you feel confident that you will get through it. We fight for the best outcome possible for your divorce and we keep the best interests of your children at top of mind.

If you are a parent who is thinking about divorce, but you are unsure about how it will affect your child, you are welcome to call us at 865-637-6258 or fill out our contact form to schedule a consultation to discuss your custody case with an experienced Knoxville divorce attorney today. At LaFevor & Slaughter, we do whatever is in our power to help our clients through the divorce process as easily and smoothly as possible.

Posted in Divorce